We Have Family
“Family,” a word that carries an immense amount of weight in our hearts, minds, and communities. No family is quite the same, but we still manage to relate at our core. I was able to sit down with Ruth Campos and Emma Coto, two amazing parents involved within our One Bold Summer program, and see what it means to them to have an LGBTQ+ family.
Ruth: We are very open to one another and with who we really are. We are a happy family, we have a lot of love for each other. We don’t judge and are there for one another. For us we basically gotta have a routine. It’s all about communication with everyone, including our kids. We’re constantly communicating what we plan to do, so we all can be on the same page. And we make sure everyone feels comfortable with each other.
Emma: Everybody goes their own way in expressing themselves, my child is like “I am who I am, and that is it” and I don’t even question it, as long as they are comfortable and happy it is fine with me. But, for some of the others, it’s more difficult to talk, but with us, it’s no problem at all. So we tell them while you might feel uncomfortable with talking and explaining yourself to us, it is okay.
Ruth: I came out when I was already an adult, with Monica, [Ruth’s wife and Emma’s sister] they had always been very open and accepting in her family. I feel very fortunate that they accepted Monica, they accepted me, they accepted my niece, Daisy, exactly for who we are. We are seen just the same as any other family member and it feels very comforting that they embrace us just for who we are, with no questions or judgment. My family has always been very religious, I just can’t be that open with them, but, with my parents, who play a big role in my life, they accept me and my wife. With my family, religion has always been an obstacle, they talk to me but it doesn’t feel the same, I feel like we aren’t as close as before I came out, so there’s a bit of a wall between us. I don’t feel like I am able to be my normal self because of religion. And in that sense, I feel like there is always this barrier that doesn’t allow me to be completely me.
I made mistakes along the way, I got married at a young age. I didn’t want to accept who I was and I was in denial. I think that could have taken away a lot of heartbreak. I denied who I was and went by the ’normal’ family standards, and I didn’t follow my heart and truly accept who I was. But, I have two beautiful daughters so that’s the best thing that could have come out of that experience.
Emma: We got to talk to the kids and tell them, be who you want to be and express yourself, but just know what’s good and what's wrong. Don't just make choices based on what everyone else does, make sure you know the choices you are going to make because they are going to impact not us, but you and your future. Make sure you know what you want.
Ruth: I wanted to do things differently than what my parents did growing up. They were old-fashioned and didn't have difficult conversations, but with my family, I want to have open communication. Tell me exactly what's on your mind and be who you are and that’s all that matters. We are making that effort to be supportive parents. On our part we are trying our best to be the best parents we can be.
Throughout this experience, I needed to be bolder and have that confidence, and that’s exactly what I teach my kids. You have to have the confidence to be and stand up for who you are. Just make sure you know who you are, your confidence will build up. It doesn’t matter what others think, it’s your happiness and you create your own happiness, be who you are. This is what I try to encourage in my girls and it took me a while to really build that confidence in order to not care what others think. If they judge me it doesn’t matter You don’t pay my bills, it doesn’t affect me, I’m gonna stand my ground, I’m gay and happily married, it doesn’t matter what you think about me. It doesn’t matter what you think, what matters is your happiness.
Emma: With my daughter, I'm not sure what she wants yet and I'm not sure she knows what she wants, she is still young. I tell her to verify what you want and what makes you happy. With the One Bold Summer program, I encouraged her to try it out and if she wants to keep doing it go for it, but if you don’t like it you don’t have to do it anymore. I try to be there for her as much as I can. If she invites me to something I try to make time and go. Being there for her is my way of supporting her.
Ruth: I’m more of the supportive aunt to her, and I am the listener. You have to listen to what they have to say, the funny little stories, the crushes on girls, this other girl it didn’t work out, and that’s all fine. You just have to give yourself time to just get to know yourself. You have to give them respect and give them the support to figure that out. And giving your opinion if they ask for it, but what’s more important is being that listener who’s there, and that’s exactly what they’re seeking, someone’s attention and someone who can listen and possibly give their advice and experience. We try to be there, whatever she needs, we are definitely supporting her all the way. My kids know they can count on me for anything and everything, and I will be here for them. You can count on me.
Emma: One thing I want my daughter to know is that I love her very much, and it doesn’t matter the choices she makes I will always be here. No matter the problem, she only needs to be true. I’ll be there for every little thing she needs. I know it’s hard for her to tell me things, and she thinks I'm going to get upset, and yeah I probably will, but I will always forgive her. She’s my daughter, she's everything to me. It’s important for her to know that I really do love her and that I am here, no matter what.
Ruth: Love, understanding, & support, is all that you are going to hear from me. You got to talk to your parents, it doesn’t matter what you did. We’re here to guide you through it and find a solution. No one else is going to give you honestly like we would. So always communicate with us. And that’s exactly what they know to go to us for.
Thank you to both Emma and Ruth for sharing their stories and some amazing parenting advice!
Interviewed & edited by Halli Rae Gigante