Youth Stories: Dani Marin, Adding to their Garland

It's Monday Morning, and Dani Is preparing to take their estrogen shot with the help of their roommate and friend, TJ.

"We started a kind of build-a-buddy system, where we just help give each other our shots," they gleamed.

For Dani Marin, their unpaved journey towards queerness and gender wasn't linear; however, along the very few cobblestone steps, they could make detours that enriched their journey in ways they would never have imagined. One of those detours was an opportunity to connect with fellow queer and trans youth through a 6-week program called Rainbow Labs.

At the launch of our storytelling program in 2020, Marin had reservations about joining the group. On one hand, it was a space that offered support and community for LGBTQIA+ youth like themselves, yet on the other, Marin would also have to take that step to join.

"I had also been a very quiet kid in high school. I kept to myself, went to school, and returned home. I didn't do much, so this was really the first thing that I was open to seeing what this can bring into my life," Marin said.

When the program started, Marin would hide behind their desktop and did not engage in much conversation unless they were spoken to or required to speak. It was the first time they had experienced being among youth so honed in with their queer and trans identities, exercising new pronouns, and for Marin, it was intimidating, to say the least. At times, they often felt as if they couldn't relate to their peers, making them feel more ostracized than they had felt before, but as programming continued, they began to open up and exercise their definition of queerness. 

"I had never embraced my queerness, to say the least, especially openly in  a space with other people; it was usually always  privately with a group of friends, and to me, I felt like navigating my queerness was something that I didn't need to do, And I kept it that way up until until I joined rainbow labs." 

As programming progressed and new friendships formed, Marin joined the leadership cohort of what would now be our Youth Council program. Before virtual engagements, Marin had not physically interacted with their Rainbow Labs peers. Although they had opportunities to connect outside virtual meetings, Marin refrained from taking that leap.It wasn't until they attended a leadership trip that summer that things started to cement with Marin, and they began to find their footing as young queer people deciphering their story… now with a few friends by their side.

They had spent the day kayaking in a big bear. The sun was radiating, the water was crisp, and RuPaul's songs echoed as Marin and his friends sang in unison as the sun began to set. This was followed by a communal dinner, during which the group would create the very first community guidelines for what would now be the Youth Council Program. There were laughs, several stories were exchanged, and while all of this was happening simultaneously, core memories were being made.  

As their eyes began to water, Marin realized, "I had never realized how much of an impact that day had on me, yeah."

They continued, "I feel like the leadership position I was given and being with that group; it pushed me to accept myself for not only myself but also the people that I was around."

This grand exposure pushed Marin even further, and their involvement in Rainbow Labs further grew the bonds they had created through programming and exploring what gender meant to them. They even remember the first time they wore gender-affirming clothes on that same exact retreat. 

With this newfound confidence, they were unstoppable and became a force. They soon started experimenting with makeup, which, in many ways, became their armor and a medium where they found healing. They received affirmations from their core team at Rainbow Labs and some of their family members. Gifted to them by their Tia was an exclusive makeup pallet in collaboration with James Charles. 

"I remember dipping into those colors, putting them on my eyes, looking bougie, but feeling myself, I remember feeling myself like I have never felt myself before."

For Marin, this gesture spoke volumes in a nonverbal way. It translated a message beyond tolerance and offered open arms, signifying acceptance. Now at 20 years of age, attending the University of California, Berkeley Marin, holds onto that moment and the many tender moments Rainbow Labs encapsulated for youth like them, moments when you can share space with your peers by simply existing, even when the world may often find that threatening. 

They are grateful for their time with Rainbow Labs, which allowed them to find an additional support system once they left. They eventually struck gold when they came to Berkeley. 

"I feel like the person that I am right now is, thanks to Rainbow Labs," They Continued.

"I read this poem once about humans being like a little garland of experiences that they go through, like one little thing, then it's another thing, another experience, and another experience, and we're just one, large garland… all of our experiences. And I like to think that the star of my garland was because of rainbow labs."